My Leprosy

At least I think thats what I have, albeit a strain that is rare and difficult to detect. I didn't realize that I had been infected until I moved into my current home a few years ago. Very few people are able to spot the symptoms, and those few that can keep a healthy distance. I've always been very social and always had a lot of friends, even from my earliest years. When I was young, I was always one of the tallest and fastest kids, and was usually one of the kids who ended up picking the teams on the playground, instead of "being picked." However, I also remember being fairly sensitive, even at that age, to the kids who weren't very big or fast, or who were shy and didn't have any friends. I tried to do then what I always encourage my kids to do now, which is to look for people who don't have anyone to play with and get them on board. Or in the case of my teenage girls, keep an eye out for the girls eating lunch by themselves or who maybe aren't very "popular", and include them in their circle. I'm lucky because they've taken that to heart.

Jen and I have always been successful making friends in every place we've ever lived and have always really felt a part of those neighborhoods & wards. This place has been a little more difficult to fit into. Okay, a lot more difficult. For the first time in our married lives, we find ourselves on the far right side of the median age point in the community. Which isn't a bad thing, and maybe I'm looking for excuses why we don't seem to fit. None of this is to say that we don't have friends (we do) and that most people aren't polite (they are). Thank goodness that a few of our south-side neighbors, Adam & Kim, John & Kristen, and Spence & Cassie have been kind enough to include us in their lives on a regular basis. If that had not happened, I would have been tempted to pull the eject handle a year ago. Outside of the above mentioned group, I can count the number of times on less than one hand that we've been invited to someones home to hang out, and on two fingers the number of couples that we have had dinner with in nearly three years of living here. Maybe its just me, and maybe I just need to try harder, who knows. We try to do "scone" nights at least once a month (which doesn't always happen) where we invite a family thats newer to the neighborhood along with a few families that have been around for awhile. Its good for the new family, and its good for us, because we get to meet new people and make new friends. It might take us five years, but we'll eventually make it through the entire neighborhood. Not everyone says yes, but at least they've had an invitation, which is sometimes just as important.

So the leprosy bit comes in because I'm convinced that a few folks in the neigborhood actually believe that I'm afflicted with the disease, and that if they make the mistake of talking to me or even making eye contact with me, they'll be infected. Anymore, I just roll my eyes and laugh about it when it happens. There are a few people that actually refuse to make eye contact with me as we pass even if no one else is around. Same thing if I'm out walking the dogs and they drive by. Most people I see when I'm out smile and wave, but a few stare straight ahead and refuse to make any acknowledgement. Its funny, but sad. Sometimes if Jen is with me when it happens, we'll look at each other, do the involuntary eye roll, and chuckle. Then we wonder what we ever did to elicit the avoidance-measures in those people.

Luckily, my girls seem to have avoided the disease, and for the most part have been able to fit in and make friends. Unfortunately, Phillip seems to have been stricken like me. For whatever reasons that I don't understand, there isn't a kid his age on our street that will play with him. I didn't really notice until several months ago when Jen pointed it out. If other kids are out riding their bikes, and Phillip shows up, they'll stop what they're doing and ride off in different directions. I've watched it happen a half dozen times this summer. Its heartbreaking as a parent, but I'm unsure what to do about it. Kids are kids, I guess, and there is nothing that you really can do to change it. Every kid naturally wants to be included, but you can't force other kids to like your kid or want to play with them. And maybe your kid does things that makes other kids not want to play with them, who knows. It is difficult to know how to respond when they say that the other kids "hate" them and won't play with them at school. I guess you just love them and do things with them on your own, which is what I do.

One of the toughest things for me is to not be judgemental from the standpoint that I automatically think I'm being snubbed when people seem to ignore me or keep their distance. I try to tell myself that maybe they're not aloof, just naturally shy instead, and that I shouldn't make unfounded assumptions. Maybe I give up too easily on people that come off that way to me. Its a personal battle that I'll continue to fight. Nevertheless, I will keep up my happy exterior, smile and wave, and maybe . . . . just maybe have a few more friends to show for it a few years down the line. Stay tuned! Steve